“Masturbation is like, a really important part of maturing, right?”
Pretty girl walking with hipster bros in Prospect Park around 2:21 PM.
November 28, 2010
Overheard of the Day
October 19, 2010
Sleeping on the subway= illegal
Last night after an extremely long day working (10 AM-12AM), I decided to take a quick nap on the subway. This was after what was probably one the shittier days of my life— I just went on a break with my live-in boyfriend after making out with his best friend’s roommate and had received the shittiest tips from European tourists who happily gave me 10% after i bent over backwards to give them restaurant, bar, and boutique suggestions.
Needless to say, I was ready to go to bed when I got on the A train to Brooklyn.
Apparently lying down on sparsely populated subway car is a bad idea. In fact, it’s illegal. No, there are no signs that inform you of this nice little fact. Indeed, no one even told me what I was doing was offensive or wrong. Instead someone decided to call the conductor and report me in, meaning a police officer escorted me off the subway, barked that the whole train had to be emptied because of my egregious actions, and gave me a $50 ticket.
This was all done as if it was a courtesy to me, as if the cop was helping me out. Umm not really… because now I’ll be home at 1 AM instead of 12:30 and I lost all the money I made waitressing at my second job, thanks a lot jerkface.
While this was happening all I could think about the vast amount of wasted hipsters that ride the subway home at 4 AM snoring and sprawled out across the car. They don’t ever seem to get tickets. I did not realize lying down on a nearly deserted subway car was illegal. Yeah it’s not classy and definitely not comfortable, but illegal? Who knew?
After meekly explaining that I didn’t know it was against the law, he informed me, “everyone knows it’s illegal” but decided to play good copy and give me a break since I’m a newbie to BK. This “break” means he offered to call the ticket in and help me reduce the fine but, I’ll still probably have to go to the courthouse and explain my subway snoozing to a judge. Ugh.
Lesson learned, don’t sleep sprawled out on the subway car because, even if you’re wearing FCUK and a $300 coat, someone might think you’re a junky or a homeless person.
A ticket for breaking a social norm? Messed up.
October 14, 2010
Best Homeless Man Sign Ever
Today I bore witness to the best homeless man sign I have ever seen. Of course, I’ve noticed the occasional bizarre scrawl like, “Need money for booze and drugs” (c’monnnn… lame) or “Need money to feed my dog” but this one really raised the bar.
The homeless man sat proudly, holding his crumpled cardboard box and smiling at the all the people who paused to read his message. The call-out, written in crisp sharpie lines, read “Jennifer Aniston won’t date me because I don’t have enough money. help me out!”
I really hope Jennifer Aniston takes him out for date. Priceless sign.
October 6, 2010
Pumpkin Carving
Today I went on a search for pumpkin carving knives for a work related project. Needless to say, this was not an easy task in New York City.
Back home in Connecticut these carving kits are practically everywhere— be it at Page Hardware, Bishop’s Orchard, or Wal-Mart you can most definitely find a suitable carving knife in a few minutes for just a few bucks. Not the case in New York City.
I thought to myself, “Maybe I can buy one at Duane Reade?” No. “CVS?” No. “Conway?” No. “Whole Foods?” Definitely not, but you can find extremely generic and perfectly rounded pumpkins there!
Eventually a kit was acquired at a Halloween store near Union Square (on 14th btw 5th and 6th) but, I’ve come to the conclusion that pumpkin carving is tres demode in NYC.
P.s. Excuse the lack of French accents, I’m Windows Illiterate. Go Apple!
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